Wonder Woman, I wasn’t

I have to tell you, I was in the dumps for a while, after not hearing from Sir Likealot, the guy I met recently at a party. As outlined in my last post, I was deliberating about whether to email him and boldly say that I enjoyed meeting him and would love to see him again. I was questioning what my ovaries are made of – bullets or ice cream.

But I couldn’t bring myself to be all Wonder Womanish in her leotard and shiny confidence, waiting to slay the men with her delightful wit, charm and pointy tits. So, I waited and waited, and after a few days went by – okay, it was about five -  I was feeling like such a big loser. I slumped home from the office like a kid with a heavy bag full of homework she doesn’t understand. I made myself go to the gym, because I knew that if I didn’t, I would head straight for the TV and a delightful conversation with Mr. Pinot Noir.  I wailed to a girlfriend of mine. Why hasn’t he called? Can I not trust my romantic intuition anymore? I thought he liked me. Has my radar for male interest lost its form, just like, my, sob, abs??

I hate when this happens. I do not like to be one of those needy gals, who at mid-age acts like she is 15. And the fact of the matter is, I do have a pretty great life. Why should I let myself feel so reduced by the lack of a man in my life? Frankly, I don’t understand the female psychology, even mine. I get it that no one really wants to be alone  and that we want to give love as much as receive it. But hey, I am a grown woman, who knows that relationships are not the miracle cure. In fact, most of the unions, married and not, that I see around me are not marvelous. They are okay, and there’s nothing wrong with okay. But I often feel happier to be on my own than in the kind of relationships I routinely witness.

So why do I get upset when I don’t hear from someone like Sir Likealot? Why do I let what happens (or not) in my love life affect me so much? And why is it that women – and here I am thinking of myself and others I know – automatically start imagining a life together with a man we have just met? Honestly, I think there must be some genetic/gender pre-programming going on here.

This is what I do, and it’s all subconscious. I meet a guy I like, and somewhere in my brain, a film starts to sputter to life. I see him with my parents, and think about how great that would be. I imagine going for a walk with him, and then before you know it, I am thinking about traveling to Paris with him. And I hear the dialogue between us – all nice, of course – and I think how fun it would be for our kids to know each other. What is wrong with me? Do all women do this? Is this the feminine nurturing home-making gene kicking in? Because, really, I am quite sure men don’t do this. They may be imagining the sex, which is fine – I do that, too – but I don’t think they are thinking about what fun Thanksgiving will be with friends, kids, and family around the table. I hardly know the guy!! In fact, I don’t know the guy!! I HAVE SEEN HIM ONCE!! WE HAD A NICE FLIRTY CONVERSATION! THAT’S IT!! And he isn’t emailing me or phoning me!! I find this tendency to Imagine A Shared Life most alarming. Is it because I am an empty nester, who is aching to shower all her pent-up love on someone? Gosh, even writing that sounds so pathetic.

That is what was hurling itself through my brain last week. My ups and downs were more erratic than the stock market.

Still, I did nothing about contacting him. And then, Thursday came around, and he emailed me!!!!!! He wondered if I would like to go to dinner!! I said yes in my demure way. That would be fun, I wrote. We are going to set a date this week, when he gets a chance to check his work schedule.

Ta da! The world looks like a fun place to be again! (See how pathetic I really am? I should add that I never ever got like this over men when I was younger. Maybe, because I never had to – they always called right away, and I was never single for long.)

But my belief in the idea that men like to be the pursuers holds. While women of a certain age have way more confidence in ourselves than we did when we were younger – thank goodness for that -  I think we have to be careful not to look tooooo anxious. What we think is feminist assertiveness may be interpreted an annoying and desperate.

Waiting was the right strategy is this case. Stay tuned for what happens next.

Meanwhile – and also when I see him again -  I am going to remain firmly planted in the present. I am not going to be imagining the Shared Life. I am just going to have fun – hopefully.