The joy of a manfriend, not a boyfriend

Well, first I have to return – briefly – to The Bachelorette, on last night again and the subject of last week’s blog.

That Jillian! She gets so emotional about things – as if she really takes this whole finding-love-on-TV thing seriously. I know that’s the premise of the reality show, but if we’re honest, do any of us really think that these people will end up forever married? The split-rate of previous Bachelor/Bachelorette shows is dismal. One marriage!

But there was Jilly, sobbing when Ed, the IT dude, had to go home because he was worried about the safety of his job. She acted rejected, and said that she was falling for him. But if you ask me, I think her vanity was bruised. She wondered at one point whether she was “good enough” for the rest of the guys to stick around and vie for her heart. It was almost as if she was wondering how Ed could dare leave her – she’s the one who gets to do the dimissing!

Anyway, I seem to be hooked. So, pardon me.

On a brighter subject…I have a new manfriend. Not a boyfriend. But a man I take to go out with, as a platonic friend. I had tickets to a play last week, and while I have a squadron of female friends I could have happily taken, I was wanting male company.

One thing I have to say that has come as a revelation about being single – there are times when I really miss the presence of men in my life. I have sons, who are grown. But that doesn’t really count. They don’t live at home for the most part. I enjoy being with them, and going out for a drink with them, but they are not always keen to hang out with Mom.  And I work with men and all that. But many of the people who I count as my close friends are female. And when women get together, well, the conversation takes off, the wine flows, and there you are, jabbering away about the ex, about work, about the geek you went out with last Saturday night, about impending menopause. It can all get gender-specific and gossipy. And while I like that – and my female friends have saved me on more than one occasion by just being there when I needed them – I sometimes really need to be with a man, as a friend, as a companion, if nothing else.

And so, I called up a man I know casually. We had met through mutual friends. He is heterosexual, and a lifelong bachelor. I like him. He is interesting and shy – which I have to say I also like. I am tired of the players, frankly. And he said he would be pleased to come with me.

We met at the theater. We had fun talking about the production at intermission. After, he wondered if I would like to go for a little walk. Sure, I said. Then he asked if I would like to go uptown for a nightcap. Sure, I said.

And so we talked and talked. And as we exited the restaurant, it was about midnight, and I said that I could get myself home (simply a block away) and he was going home in the opposite direction.

He thanked me for the evening, and said, ‘Anytime, anytime, I love the theater.  So, count me in.” And then he suggested that we could go to a nightclub that’s new with some of our mutual friends. Sure, I said. We kissed each other on both cheeks.

Now I am thinking that this sort of arrangement, this sort of friendship, is just what I want. There’s no pressure. There’s little expectation. But there’s fun, and with that, I feel a real ease, which is very welcome.

There’s something about being with a man that can be more relaxing than being with a girlfriend. The connection is different, even if it’s platonic.It’s the dance between the sexes, I guess.

And this summer, aside from watching that dumb Jilly pick Her Man on The Bachelorette, I will be having casual, non-committal dates with my menfriends.